My Play Therapy Office!

This has been a long time coming, but I have finally photographed my new office. This was a tall order -- to combine a playroom with a work area -- and to make it appealing for little kids, teenagers and parents. Whew!  This artwork, by the lovely and talented Eimear Brennan, whose work I discovered while in Ireland, was my inspiration.

Off to Ireland!

Once again, I am off to Ireland!  I will spend five weeks there, soaking up all that is Irish, with the family and some Loyola teachers and students.  For me, it's the scenery, the warmth of the locals and the chance to recharge.  When I return, Fleurish will have its chance to flourish -- meaning I will be accepting new clients and making the move towards having a full-time private practice.

Little Boys Love Weapons!

Let's face it, little boys love weapons.  It's ingrained in their DNA, and, try as you might, it cannot be un-ingrained.  As the mother of a six year old boy, and a children's therapist as well, I will make the argument that you shouldn't attempt to squash this.  If you do, there will be repercussions.  Little boys are born with an innate desire to wield their swords and light sabers and to draw their guns.  To take this away from them is to render them powerless in a world where they already have little power and to make them feel badly about having this desire.  For little kids, the fascination with weaponry is more about being powerful and invincible than it is about killing anyone.  Being a knight, a cowboy, a superhero, a pirate or a ninja is to live in a magical world where they have the power act out their fantasies.

As parents, and especially as mothers, this can be difficult to accept.  Most women don't get it.  We equate perceived violence as being negative or destructive.  We worry that allowing our child to explore this world will result in him becoming a violent teenager or a violent adult.  In fact, nothing could be farther from the truth.  Because little boys are wired this way, repressing it only takes away a viable outlet for expression.  And, yes, little boys do have aggressive feelings.  It's nothing to be afraid of.  As parents, we can help them channel it in a way that doesn't hurt anyone else.  And when they have a way to express these emotions, they are less likely to take them out on you, their teachers or their friends at school.  So, letting my kid play with weapons makes him less violent?  Sounds contradictory, but yes.  Exactly right.

If you're still not comfortable with the idea of having weapons around the house, at least consider starting with a bop bag or a pounding bench.  You can direct your child there when he's upset.  Beating up a bop bag doesn't condone violence.  It sends the message that anger is a valid feeling, and channels that emotion into an appropriate activity.  And once you're comfortable with that, empower him (and yourself).  Hand him a foam sword and give him permission to be a little boy.

Mother's Day for the Rest of Us

Another Mother's Day has come and gone.  Mothers make the world go round -- and we know it.  For those of you who were properly appreciated, I am truly happy that you got what you deserved, at least for a day.  Mother's Day is one of those holidays in which you can feel really good, or really bad, about.  It is kind of like Valentine's Day, with a lot of expectation about what others are supposed to do for you in order to show their appreciation.  And God forbid, it does not quite go that way.

For instance, I like to be taken out for breakfast -- nothing fancy, just an omelette or some pancakes at the pancake cottage.  When my 6 year old son turned his nose up at the idea, preferring to stay home, I was genuinely offended (and hurt).  Now, I am a children's therapist, and I know that 6 year olds are not capable yet of putting themselves in someone else's shoes (or properly appreciating anyone, for that matter, unless you've just bought them the newest Ninjago item).  Even that "appreciation" is short lived.  So, why did I have a meltdown as I watched his little mouth turn into a pout?  I really do not know.  And my offense quickly dissipated after watching him genuinely enjoy a giant chocolate chip pancake at the pancake cottage, to which we dragged his little sour face to.  I think there is just so much expectation that the day should be happy (no, blissful, actually) that it cannot possibly be lived up to.

Sure, I got to see the Facebook posts come trickling in.  Sew and sew took their mom to a fancy brunch with bottomless mimosas, sew and sew's husband bought them what seemed to be a $200 bouquet and sew and sew's kid made them a card so sweet that it made me teary-eyed.  All really nice, right?  I have a feeling, though, that there were many more of us that got a book we wanted or a much needed moment to ourselves.  Good too, right?  Although maybe not Facebook-postable.  For the record, though, all it really takes to appreciate most moms is to awaken to a clean kitchen, the garbage put out and a load of the kid's school uniforms put in the washer, just so the day is a little less exhausting and frustrating than usual.  Oh yeah, and to be able to sleep in and to take a nap if desired.

And, in my moments of feeling sad and unappreciated, I also thought about all of those women out there feeling even more sad because they have lost their mothers, are estranged from their mothers or just did not have one of those mothers that deserves to be put on a pedestal.  Or those women who really want to be mothers, and can't.  And then I felt guilty for my smallness.  But, then I decided to forgive myself.  We all have a right to our feelings without comparing them to everyone else's.  And I reminded myself, mothers make the world go round.  And I know it.

Play is the Key

I've finally decided to start a blog!  Here I will post interesting things I run across and my own musings about play therapy and parenting.  Stay tuned...